love makes seman taste better
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
