See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
foreskin is a definite game changer
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
