I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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