That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
