He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
