Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize