Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
