Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
