I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
