I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
