If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
