made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
