i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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