She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
