I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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