I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
