I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Randomize
