I'm going to rape someone's good day.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize