What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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