She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
