ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
