i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
