i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
