Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize