Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
