he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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