don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
