My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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