Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Even my vagina gasped.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
