So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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