i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
