Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
They took my balls.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
