took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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