I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
