Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
