I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
