**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
