all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
