I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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