apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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