so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
