i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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