I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
