Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
