I can text with my tongue
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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