I want to make a zoo with you.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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