Need sex. Gaining weight.
if only i could text you this smell
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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