then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
