Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Sorry about my life...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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