weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
