Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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