Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize