SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
