I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Come see our sink grown plant.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
COCAINE IS GR8
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