I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
