Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
