i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
