have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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