can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
