my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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