Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
