Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize