Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
