I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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