Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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