but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
