Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
